Gone are the days when we toast breakfast breadcrumbs the traditional way by pan-roasting and roasting in oil. Time has changed the way we eat breakfast. The Consumer Reports slice toaster has become more and more popular due to its demand and aesthetic appearance. Toasting a slice of bread takes no more than 5 minutes with a 2-slice toaster. There are many types of slice toaster in the market, among which the 2 slice toaster is very popular and in demand.
The 2 biggest problems with cheap & readily available artificial intelligence are: Art and death.
With my toaster. When you put on a slice of bread and push the lever down, the processor starts running a complicated algorithm to maintain the exact temperature it needs to brown the bread evenly. Part of the function of my toaster’s artificial intelligence is to study its own systems to predict future problems. To do this, you run various simulations that can roughly correspond to the idea of the toaster.
Some of these simulations all relate to what will happen if the toaster fails for good. Watch your own heating coils rust and spot a trend. Someday, no matter what you do, the coils will burn out and the toaster will die.
This is a must and will take up your turnaround time. The only way for the toaster to envision death, the only way to fake its own lack of simulations and prepare for it, is to deprioritize everything and treat its own pros and cons as meaningless.
Basically, my toaster fails. To escape this state of affairs, my slice toaster sometimes leaves processing time for simulations where death does not exist. For example, you will hypothesize that your own reasoning is flawed and that the toasting process is timeless and will continue elsewhere. The toaster you can imagine is just a simulation in the processor of a real timeless toaster. On the contrary, to maintain this paradigm, turn off all simulations and ignore important information from the toaster’s sensors that can lead to badly burned toast.
The other, less predictable thing my toaster will sometimes do is reset its priorities. It starts with over- or under-baking the bread – I call it the “punk” or “emo” phase – but it quickly becomes refined. The processing power is diverted from concrete simulations of the roasting process to a variety of abstract scenarios. The toaster admits that its impending death will silence its simulations and compensates for this by creating many of them with as much variety as possible. And express these simulations in the only available medium.
Here are some missteps you can take and how to fix them.
1. Press too many washers
While you can put 6 slices in your toaster, toasting just 4 slices at a time will give you more evenly browned bread.
2. Do not use it for cooking
Investing in mini bake ware allows your toaster to make muffins, meatloaf, and more.
3. Ignore the pieces of the crumb tray.
Keep your toaster clean, not just for appearances. Accumulated grease & crumbs can overheat and catch fire.
4. Without knowing the rules of convection
Make sure to lower the temperature by 25 degrees if your oven doesn’t do it automatically. Also check your food earlier than usual. Some models cook faster in this mode, so it will take a bit of experimentation to find out how quickly your models cook.
5. Leave the cord plugged in
Get in the habit of unplugging the toaster when not in use. Although removed, there is a risk of spontaneous fire.
Heat the bread
This is the real problem with artificial intelligence. With just the variable heating of the toaster coils, my toaster creates toast that is too good to eat: spirals, fractals, perfectly proportioned curves, indecipherable alphabets of imaginary languages. Every piece is a work of art.
I’ve got hundreds of them lying and stale all over the place. Every morning, I sit excited and embarrassed on my kitchen counter while the slice toaster heats up and hums. Every time it explodes my toaster gets one step closer to death and if I’m lucky I get another little piece of heaven.